Lord of the Ringless

Goldie excerpt from her autobiography

I was reading Goldie Hawn’s autobiography, “Goldie” with Wendy Holden (ghostwriter)  p.197  after her first divorce and costarring in a role with Ingrid Bergman she traveled in Europe.

 

Goldie learns Ingrid's husband Lars has a mistress when they entertain her during a sidetrek on her travels. She meets them in Ingrid's beautiful little home on an island in Norway.

"Does she know he has a lover?" She asked her friend that evening.

“Oh yes,” came the casual reply. “A long time ago. It is just one of those things.”

 

Goldie's thoughts:

 

"Is this my future too? I asked myself sadly. Is this how it ends? Marriage after marriage after marriage before settling for whatever you can get, even if it means knowing there are other people? Is this my fate? Is this the fate of all successful women in Hollywood?

 

I had already seen the loneliness of the female movie star. It is a cross borne by every successful woman in Hollywood. When you are famous no matter how much you try to include your partner, whenever you walk into a room people only look at you. You end up being endlessly apologetic, trying to introduce him, make him feel less excluded. There are very few men who can live with a woman who is, or is perceived to be more powerful than they are."

 

 

My thoughts are I also felt sad reading this. Oh that we lived in a world of faithfulness and love as God intended for a husband and wife. This is why we celebrate the anniversaries of our friends who honor God by their integrity and commitment to one another. It's not easy. Pride is a formidable foe for one let alone two to contend with. Significance,one of the issues. Where do we get our significance as singles or marrieds? The answer, as always, from our Creator, from God. Why? To glorify Him and serve Him. 

 

"even every one that is called by my name; for I have created him for my glory. I have formed him; yea, I have made him,"

Isaiah 43:7

 

Carring the Torch for Marriage pt 2

Last week I started a blog on carrying the Torch of Desire for a mate. That is what I call it when we have a desire for marriage and a lifemate but it is not happening yet. How do we carry that desire and not get distraught? We carry it with hope. Hope that is seen, is not hope.   Romans 8:24

 

 

While waiting in the desert David said in Psalm 27:13, "I had fainted unless I believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."  He is talking about hope. Believed means in Hebrew, "to trust or believe to be permanent, to be certain and sure, continue steadfast."   And I have found it takes more energy for me to doubt God than to believe Him that He can do anything, especially find a mate for myself and my friends…male and female.

 

 

I have only to see two birds nesting their young together to remind me  God created a very wonderful desire for mates, for the drawing together of a male and female. It was His plan and for His purposes, and He conceived the idea at the beginning of time and planted it in all Creation.

 

I captured a picture of a pair of Turtledoves sitting atop the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem my second trip, standing next to a Christian brother , We had both placed our requests for a mate in a crevice of that Huge Ancient Stone wall moments earlier.  I had seen his tears already.

 

 

Ten years earlier, my first trip to the Wall amidst the wails of black hooded women, I stood with a sister of Christ and the same request penciled on a list was pushed in a tiny space. Today, this Millenium, both are with their mates and nesting happily.

 

If you knew next year or five years from now you would be with your love bird how would you feel today? Would it make a difference?  Don’t give up. People meet and marry at all times and ages. Choose to believe God’s goodness and wisdom and  His ability to work in your behalf. So it will take a miracle? That’s okay. God is good at miracles…

 

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you. He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him.  Isaiah 30:18

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Goodbye MJ

Listening to Ben and Michael Jackson nostalgia music. Reading comments today makes me sad again for MJ. I was in elementary school when I saw the Jackson Five on the Ed Sullivan show singing Ben.

Later we saw the movie with the song about the rat.The sweet words and melody stayed with me for years. It is still my favorite song MJ sings. I named my little dog Benjamin Sterling with that song in mind. Today I'm listening to some of my favorite songs after reading many comments and heartfelt messages from his fans. Last week I was too busy to give the time I wanted to and think about his life a bit. His music has followed us Boomers down through the years.

How times have we danced to the music the DJ's have played through the years?

LIstening to the music and lyrics to Ben, hauntingly beautiful seem sadly prophetic...

"With a friend to call my own I'll never be alone..."  

He wrote other songs with Alone in the title. A theme in life, "leave me alone", "You're not alone"  other songs as he moved through the decades escaping people and ploys that surround the wealth and fame of someone of his magnitude.

"If you ever look behind and don't like what you find"

Certainly an issue since his hermitage after the trials and ignominy of recent years

"Most people would turn you away, I don't listen to a word they say"

The loyal fanbase he built worldwide that relate to his abusive childhood and are angered by those who charged him with illegal acts these later years to even consider he could bring harm to anyone. 

His child voice incredibly strong and lilting in the melody background harmony by his brothers..I wonder if he had a friend in his brothers? Where was his family when he was alone in that decrepid mansion? Was he so ill he kept others away?

"They don't see you as I do, I wish they would try to.."

Always trying to appear outwardly - What? What was he looking for in his appearance? It became painful for so many of us to watch him alter his looks. At the end 107 pounds on a 6 foot frame. My neighbor asking me questions, so concerned with his death; another friend told me she regularly prayed for him those last few years.

 We could all see he was dying and in emotional pain. I truly pray he met the King of Kings and knew his friendship, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Heb 13:5, the friend that sticks closer than a brother, the Savior who forgives the bramble of our past, and clears a way to a bright future with HIm, in a place where our Heavenly Father has mansions far surpassing Neverland. Where peace is the order of the day through the love and security of Jesus, our Prince of Peace.  RIP MJ was the predominant wish from many ...and me too...

Gratefulness from First Time Forty-Something Parents

Bruce and Betsy knew each other fifteen years through mutual friends. But they did not connect until the time was right. Betsy had not dated anyone past a few weeks. Why? It didn't take long for her to know there was no future potential. She was a busy professional with close family and friends.

Bruce said, “I was 43 and Betsy was 39 and at one time we both figured we would not or may not ever get married. Now we have two children who have no idea their parents could be old enough to be grandparents. God hears our cry.”

 Psalm 130:6  My soul waits for the Lord, more than the night watchmen that watch for the morning.

As a single engineer, sailor and outdoor enthusiast, he climbed mountains—Mt Whitney and Half-Dome. Now he builds mountains...out of sand on the beach with his children. His first born had successful heart surgery to heal congenital anomalies.

Today he expressed his gratefulness, once again, of God's gracious gifts to him:

“We are so blessed as well to be alive and thankful to God for his provision.  We had a good reminder of this on Valentines Day; the hospital had a reunion for all the kids who had heart surgery in the last year.  We enjoyed seeing the nurses and doctors who were used by God to heal Samuel and it was amazing to see the many little children who had been through 3 and 4 surgeries already by 4 years old.  We praise God for his loving kindness and grace to our family and that Samuel is fixed.”

 “I am amazed at God's blessing - we are celebrating 5 years of marriage this weekend and just thank God for the blessing of children that we get to enjoy in our life. 

Samuel blurted out in his Awana class Sunday night, "My dad is 48."   The Awana leader figured I didn't want everyone to know how old I was, but I love it because it is a real joy to be healthy. I do not deserve these blessings but God give us much more than we deserve every day.”

From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised.” Psalm 113:3

Carrying the Torch of Desire for Marriage Pt 1

Last week a beautiful single woman shared her frustrations. Another one has been crying again running the long course with that torch she is carrying.  Why the wait God? Why so long?

We do not know.

We only know the struggle is real. The torch can burn sometimes.  How would I know? I have had those days too.

 If we carry the desire for a mate like a torch through months or years it can be heavy to bear.

 Especially on those long lonely stretches when we feel like we’re running alone and even uphill.

Our mental attitude, our outlook is critical during those long stretches of pondering, alone with God.

We pivot at a point of believing or doubting God’s goodness and knowledge of the desires He put there.

After all, if we didn’t have a desire to meet someone, a desire for a life mate and companion, a desire to bond on the level that would fill that need we would be content with the friendships and wonderful families many of us have. But we feel, physically those desires, and I don’t  just mean physical.

 It is the desire the Bible talks about. “A desire fulfilled is a tree of life, but hope deferred, a desire unfulfilled, can make the heart sick.” (Proverbs 13:12)

In Hebrew the word sick means  to be worn, wearing, grieve, pained, sore, become weak, to make prayer.  That makes sense. It is validating to know we can get weary and worn and the pain is so real we ask for prayer. We go to God with a real need He sees.

At this point of need I find hope in Isaiah 30:18  “For the Lord longs to be gracious to you, he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are those who wait for Him.! 

If we are waiting on one side for help, God is on the other side winging the answer and giving us help.  We must trust Him for those answers, for the time, for the knowing what we can bear no matter how long the road seems, How many of us would have thought we could not endure any number of things we have in the past, and although it was hard, we made it. We are better for it. We are stronger people. We don’t ask for the trials but they will come. It is the course of life.

 

 

Swing by Borders, Lord of the Ringless Booksigning Saturday June 27th

 

Lord of the Ringless

 

 

                & 

 

       Saving Grace

  

     A Double Book Signing

 

    Saturday, June 27th, 1- 4 ^PM

 

    BORDERS

 

2030 Douglas Blvd, Roseville, CA 95661

 

 

 

HI Friends,

Hope you can Swing  by Saturday for the Book Singing. That’s not a typo. Every time a copy of Ringless is bought  the music starts (book psyche 101).  It is music to a book to be out of the box and in the hands of a real person.  I’m sure Greg Cochran, fellow writer and author of Saving Grace a new fiction novel, would agree!

 

The Premise for Lord of the Ringless is:

 

In His Time and for His glory,

He writes the chapters of our story.

 

Live Single Life with Acceptance and Purpose

God has entrusted each with gifts talents to be used with or without mate in life. Bloom where we are planted, field we are in. This day choose life. One day at a time. Invest now in yourself.

 

Under God, whole and united in purpose with Him

We, singles, are whole people. We don’t need to be completed by another. Sometimes the reason we feel someone changes us is because we change, become more exciting feel alive, start doing new things when we meet someone. We wait to bloom unconsciously.

 

Not losing hope you can love again

If you have a dream, a torch of desire, don’t snuff the flame out or let others do that for you- don’t deny your feelings or desires for a companion or life mate. It is God-given and it started at the garden.

 

Or marry at any age, at any time…

 

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SAVING GRACE, Greg’s wonderful novel is about:

 

 

While visiting his hometown, Jake Brodie encounters an angel, who sends him back to 1938 to complete an unknown task. While there, Jake meets his great grandparents, his father as an infant, and comes to blows with his grandfather! Jake discovers that his task is to stop a pedophile sheriff from killing any more children. His task is complicated by Susan, a young Asian widow who falls for him, which poses a problem since Jake is happily married in his own time! Upon returning to his own time, Jake and Susan find a way to resolve their feelings, despite the sixty years separating them!

 

 

Greg Cochran lives in Elk Grove, Ca. with his wife Editha, and children, Geoffrey and Lindsey. He is an active member of St. Peters Lutheran Church, and has been a football and baseball coach in Elk Grove since the 1990’s. Greg works in the pharmaceutical industry, and has enjoyed working in many different specialties. Greg is a native of Pacifica, Ca. Visit Greg at , www.gregcochran.net

 

 

these three remain, Faith, Hope and Love...

 

PGA OPEN - Glover wins slow and steady

Today I watched the last three holes of the 109^th US Open Golf Championships. The final four players, Lucas Glover, Ricky Barnes, David Duvall and Nick Mickolodean. It was a first for me. The first time I've ever been seriously interested in golf, one of the slowest games on the planet.
is because it was the 16th, 17th and 18th holes and each point counted so dear. The pressure was on.

I loved hearing the perspectives from each of the four players, the winner and three losers, all interpreting their final outcome through different eyes and life experiences leading up to today.
Today I could appreciate the pressure of each player in their final 3 rounds and how they felt. Why now?

 Simply because not only did the commentator give a brief description of each player, thier life, their thoughts comments before and during the tournament, but also by describing to the audience what it feels like to be close to winning. The pressure each player deals with in words I could envision.

He described the players hands wrapping around the golf club and the pressure of each shot when millions are watching and the stakes are high.

“Your hands feel like porcupine quills.”

“Every cell in your body is at rocket mode. It’s hard to describe what your body is doing… This is why experience helps. You know how your body reacts and what to expect.

“This is the ultimate test.”

 

As the commentators waited for Lucas Glover to make another drive, or hit another putt to keep the lead they wondered aloud how this first-time US Open PGA contender would do.

Can he perform under pressure?  asked commentator Gary.

 “We’ll see Gary," stated the other commentator

Then came a long pause with the statement,“I’m nervous.”

 

I have watched my dad head into another room if the tension and trials during the last minutes of a game make him too nervous to watch his favorite team lose or win.

 

So I left today's victory talk feeling much closer to the players than I ever have and tuned into their lives. I was glad the underdog, Glover rose to the occasion and showed us his talent. His ability to wait for the wind to die down before he took the shot at the 17th. To wait and flip through his play book to make another "intelligent shot."

 

His calm and "classy" demeanor as a polite Southern gentleman throughout the tournament which would mark him as a "good representative for the US" in the next big tournaments to follow.

 

In his acceptance speech he said, "It was a test of patience. It was just hard out there today."

 

Such is life. May we all become better at the trials of life in our daily rounds of living as we ponder the attitude and victory moves of a “classy champion” like Glover.  And as he alluded, “something was working for me,” may we declare in all our trials, “He is with us not against us; He is backing us up.”

 

For we have a King and a Kingdom to represent too.

 

 

 

African- American Courtship- pt 2

Last week we learned Suzy had accepted a choker from an African immigrant to America for a one year trial period.

 

Suzy had not dated anyone for two years since the break-up with her other boyfriend, the one she dated five years. She was enjoying her work and single life.

I asked what caused that break-up.

“So many little things.  Breaking up with him I prayed to the Lord, ‘Lord if you don’t want me with him, don’t let me hear from him again.’

I never heard from him after we broke up.

Suzy dated a man five years before she met Ari, the man who asked her to consider him seriously after his first meeting with her. He was her brother’s friend who lived in California, and had only come home to Africa for a visit. They began writing until she accepted his invitation to visit him in the States…

Suzy told the Lord if Ari sent her a ticket and she could get a Visa she would visit.  It was very hard to get a Visa at the time.

But, the first person she visited at the embassy said, “You have the same birthday I do. Sit down. I’ll help you get a passport.” He returned with a six month Visa.

People asked me, “How did I get it?”

I said, “I told the Lord. He got the Visa and Ari sent the ticket.”

“I never heard from my first boyfriend after we broke up.  I didn’t see him again until I was at the airport going to the states to visit my future husband. He was sad when he found out where I was going.  I told him, ‘You had your chance.’

He said he knew he would have had to change.

 “I knew I couldn’t change him--there were too many things….”

Suzy left for America in December. She arrived at the airport in LA Exec on Christmas Eve, December 1979.  She stayed 3 months with a sister who lived near Ari and visited him. 

I asked him again, still incredulous, ‘What did you see about me?’

“It was something about you,” Ari said. “I didn’t know. I felt something about you was for me. Something different from your other single sisters.”

Suzi returned home and continued to write letters before planning their wedding. She joined him in California where they had the joy of bearing and raising children. Today they continue strong in a relationship that kindled a lifelong fire decades ago.

 

 It's clear as she tells her story, it still leaves a sense of wonder to her, even after all these years. She knows God was in it.

Monday through Saturday- Those who Feel Stuck

Charles Reynold Brown wrote in the early 1900's that believers leave "warm theories of the pulpit on Sunday and then on Monday morning go out into the world,the cold facts which face them. They rub against the unplaned side and are torn by the splinters. They are torn and bruised by the contact or, if happily they themselves escape for a time they painfully witness the discomfiture of their less fortunate fellows." 

Lately I have been a painful witness for my friends in difficult jobs, difficult assignments with more than difficult people or managers. I have been there. My heart goes out to you.

It will not last forever. Hang in there, the months and years and seasons will and do turn. One day you will be turned loose again, like a pocket pulled inside out for change. You will exit, wrung out. The transition will be alarming because you will remember, like I do now...those of whom the author spoke. It is real what you are experiencing. And it will end. 

There is a reason for this appointment. You will know it...later. Make a difference now while you can.
YOu do. Your presence helps another. Look around and see who is looking to you for God's strength in you.

"The Lord will give strength to his people; the Lord will bless His people with peace." Psam 29:11

"Man's days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set the limits he cannot exceed"  Job 14:5

African - American courtship pt 1

Recently I spoke to a fascinating woman who has been married thirty years to a man she met in her native Kenya.

She was from a family of fourteen girls and ten boys. She attended boarding school as all the children from her village where her dad was a physician. She excelled in sports and academics. She graduated and worked in the city for the government.

              

Initially, Suzy dated  one of her brother’s friends for 5 years. She broke up one day, when after a talk, he never returned to clarify the direction of their relationship.

Soon after another friend of her brother’s, Ari, returned home from the United States on vacation. He dropped by her family home to visit her brother and met all of her other sisters. All but Suzy.  Her family spoke highly of her. He became curious and wanted to meet her.

Suzy’s brother agreed to take him to the city and meet her. He waited. Her brother pointed her out as she approached. “He saw me coming…. And immediately wanted to marry me.”  We all visited and he knew that day. He told me. It scared me. I thought it was really strange.

Ari said, “I was supposed to come home for vacation, not to look for a wife.”

“I want to visit you here. Pray about it. If you like me, I would like us to write letters when I return to America in a week- then when you have vacation I would like to pay for your airfare to come visit me. I’ll send you a ticket.”

Then, he gave me a choker and asked me to wear it for one year. ‘If you don’t want to marry me in a year, let me go.”

He met all my sisters, all but me. Then when he saw me he wanted to marry me.

Suzy, still suspicious, spoke to her mom, “He met me once and wants to marry me- it’s too strange.”

Her mom said, “Go with your gut feeling—if it feels right.”

“ My mom knew his mom-she knew his family and upbringing.”

Suzy had not dated anyone for two years since the break-up with her other boyfriend, the one she dated five years. She was enjoying her work and single life.                                                                                                                                                                                        To be continued next week