Lord of the Ringless

Legal Papers and Panic-a poem: Legal Nightmare

Last week my friend lamented, "I couldn't go out with friends tonite. I have to work on the paperwork for next week. I"m so sick of this. There are papers all over the living room and my other room...." 

"Don't you think some of us must know the trials of misty weather if we are to be enabled to understand when others are in the midst?" Amy Carmichael quoted. 

My friend prepared for court all over again, at her ex's false accusations. Glad to report her case went well--not a surprise considering the prayers she invoked from many and the credibility of her accuser. God was and is with her. I've never dealt with divorce paperwork, but am quite familiar with the drowning feeling and overwhelming panic under a pile of legal paperwork. ( having represented myself in a case a few years ago).  So I revisited an old poem I wrote one weary yesternight and read it to her over the phone. Now, I share it with you:

The Legal Battle

 Sometimes it seems too much to bear,

The fight that drags, that taps my veins,

Draining me of life again;

Yet demands my vigilance-

Dictates I scribe with utmost care

And diligence, the pain I wear.

 

The future is at stake again,

So I ne’re can lay down my pen.

It invades my time, tonite I’d sleep,

But thoughts and arguments are deep

Within my mind; I cannot stay confined to bed

So here I am again, instead.

Writing, writing for my life,

Fingers running, skipping keys,

Helping find some place of ease,

Away from utter helplessness,

From isolation, loneliness.

They run, they skip, they pace with thought,

And slowly I feel less distraught.

 

The night wears, on the battle lulls,

I’m tired now, my mind has dulled.

I must retire, I must return,

I know the day is coming soon;

So now I’ll head back to my room.

Where doggies sleep,

I now retreat.

Losing my Smile, this fight with Denial            

                                            Dee Aspin

Don't Blame God in the Custody Battle

Today I listened as Today Show's host interviewed the Married Man accused of living a Double Life give his side of the story. His first wife gave her side and announcement a couple days ago on National Television. She claimed to discover he lived a double life as she perused Facebook.  After listening to him and his attorney it doesn't sound like that but who knows?  I just know the kids will suffer as he begins pulling for 100% custody and they become targets for the greedy paparazzi. Even in our average world the emotional impact to kids is great. So I decided to reprint a post of a friend's perspective dealing with a difficult child custody battle.

 

   Children always suffer caught in the middle of a giant tug o war ; a battle of the braun. But, too many nice single-again parents have ex-spouses—(ex-may be either gender although this is a female friend)—who vilify themselves acting like nazi’s trying to destroy my friend’s today’s and rob her tomorrow's by using the kids and legal system as ammunition. They are out to demolish.

 

    “How do you deal with it?” I asked a tired Christian friend, a seasoned warrior yesterday.

 

    “It helps me to remember, it’s a spiritual battle. It’s really not about me and him . It’s about him and God. The enemy is using him to get to me. When I can separate that truth … I do better dealing with my ex. I developed a spiritual perspective that helps me after watching the movie Chronicles of Narnia, which took place during World War 2.

 

    "At the time, droves of planes bombed England in waves. People ran to the bunkers to stay safe. When they came out of the bunkers and the streets were quiet they didn’t know when the next bomb would come crashing down. The bunker for me, is staying in the wings of Jesus. I keep my family, my kids and husband in the bunker-safe when I’m battling my ex. It’s really difficult. But I have to do it.

 

   "The bomb might be going to court, dealing with an attorney, money issues, fears real or irrational. After the bomb drops, mentally and emotionally I run straight into the wings of Jesus—my safe bunker. I stay in the peaceful place as long as I can and make it my sanctuary. When things seem to calm down I cautiously head out on the streets again, aware even if it seems peaceful it is a temporary interlude in the war.

 

"I don’t get peace when I’m roaming in the war zone. I have to keep on my toes and be ready to escape the bombs and fight the battle, even when I’m tired. It’s not about choice. I have to be strong for my kids. But then I can go back to the bunkers again and find safety with the Lord. He fills me up and encourages me. It’s important for me to remember it’s an ongoing battle. I expect it now."

 

Sometimes people on the streets, or in place for our legal processes to help us, can seem to be a sabatoeur, as in the case of my friend who had an antagonistic, partial “Christian” mediator who worked against her.

 

“Sometimes evil people are making decisions that affect us,” my warrior friend explained. “We feel vulnerable. They seem pure because they have authority but they’re humans—so we can be treated unfairly by the legal system. But all these safety systems set up by man, legal or medical—they are based on earth and subject to carnal corruption.

 

The important thing, if we are victimized, is that we don’t blame God. That we realize God loves us. He is for us. He feels our pain and He is walking through it with us. People who “stand for us” on earth can make mistakes. They can have alterior motives too."

 

Have mercy on me O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.  Psalm 57:10

Divorce Care Thirty Years Later

Tonite a group of women are coming over...to pray about their divorces. For their children. For their peace and serenity. It takes a community of believers to help eachother through the crises of divorce. It takes shoulders to cry on and hands to grip and steady. It takes words of love and acceptance to heal the words of spite and rejection that have wounded the victims of divorce.

Today in our city we are fortunate. Our churches host "Divorce Care" for those who have had been hit by that missile of destruction. It is especially hard when children are involved. Consuming. Disturbing. Distressing.

I am reminded that growing up in many ways as a child of divorce, my brothers and I were immune to some of the horrible situations kids find themselves in today with custody battles. The woman got the kids period in that era. No fight. (I'm not saying this is right.) We stayed at the house, we continued to attend our school and have our group of friends. It made for an easier transition. We always had bread on the table because Dad paid child support and alimony responsibly. We had stable parents with good values.

The bomb for us kids was emotional. The effect on Mom I realized later in life wasn't just the identity crises of transitioning to a single status again. It wasn't just feeling like a failure and something is wrong with her. It wasn't just because friends who welcomed two weren't comfortable in social gatherings with one lost dove. It was also the separation from her faith. Mom stopped going to church. Her religion, a deep part of her culture disapproved.

"I have been ex-communicated," she announced sadly to her bambinos not less than once.

And no church in this great city offered divorce care. We were one of two families that were divorced that I knew of.

And so the divorce sheared Mom's heart when the marriage tore apart after 20 year. And, unfortunately, the divorce cut her off from the safety of her religion. NOt from God, her Heavenly Father. But sometimes it's hard to tell the difference for the victims of legalism. For years we all suffered from the ax of religion, because if parents hurt, their children hurt.

Today is a different era. The church has embraced the grace of God over the law. We all survived, somewhat stable and sane. In fact our family crisis laid the foundations for myself and my siblings to find the real thing, not religion as we had our early years, but a real relationship with Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior began those turbulent teenage years--the "Jesus era" (that frieked our Mom out). Today Mom goes to church again, although she will never take communion, no matter how we've tried to convince her.

And I am glad that some things from those good old days have changed for the better...

The Private War of Nice Single-Parents

Three times recently I’ve heard the frustrations of sane and simple single parents bandied about from the unpleasant gales of vengeful ex-spouses harassing, withholding visitiation rights with the children and then pressing for 100 per cent custody. They want it all their way…which translates to nothing for my friends. It’s crazy and it’s true.

The children suffer caught in the middle of a giant tug o war ; a battle of the braun. But, too many nice single-again parents, (or remarried-again single parents) have ex-spouses—ex-may be the wife in some cases—who vilify themselves acting like nazi’s trying to destroy my friend’s today’s and rob their tomorrow’s by using the kids and legal system as ammunition. They are out to demolish.

“How do you deal with it?” I asked a tired friend, a seasoned warrior yesterday.

“It helps me to remember, it’s a spiritual battle. It’s really not about me and him . It’s about him and God. The enemy is using him to get to me. When I can separate that truth … I do better dealing with my ex. I developed a spiritual perspective that helps me after watching the movie Chronicles of Narnia, which took place during World War 2.

At the time, droves of planes bombed England in waves. People ran to the bunkers to stay safe. When they came out of the bunkers and the streets were quiet they didn’t know when the next bomb would come crashing down. The bunker for me, is staying in the wings of Jesus. I keep my family, my kids and husband in the bunker-safe when I’m battling my ex. It’s really difficult. But I have to do it.”

The bomb might be going to court, dealing with an attorney, money issues, fears real or irrational. After the bomb drops, mentally and emotionally I run straight into the wings of Jesus—my safe bunker. I stay in the peaceful place as long as I can and make it my sanctuary. When things seem to calm down I cautiously head out on the streets again, aware even if it seems peaceful it is a temporary interlude in the war.

I don’t get peace when I’m roaming in the war zone. I have to keep on my toes and be ready to escape the bombs and fight the battle, even when I’m tired. It’s not about choice. I have to be strong for my kids. But then I can go back to the bunkers again and find safety with the Lord. He fills me up and encourages me. It’s important for me to remember it’s an ongoing battle. I expect it now.

Sometimes people on the streets, or in place for our legal processes to help us, can seem to be a sabatoeur, as in the case of my friend who had an antagonistic, partial “Christian” mediator who worked against her.

“Sometimes evil people are making decisions that affect us,” my warrior friend explained. “We feel vulnerable. They seem pure because they have authority but they’re humans—so we can be treated unfairly by the legal system. But all these safety systems set up by man, legal or medical—they are based on earth and subject to carnal corruption.

The important thing, if we are victimized, is that we don’t blame God. That we realize God loves us. He is for us. He feels our pain and He is walking through it with us. People who “stand for us” on earth can make mistakes. They can have alterior motives too.
Look at Jesus life. Who can understand our pain like Jesus? He was harassed. He was stalked up until the night before his death. And who gave him the most trouble? Who was out to kill him? The so-called Godly people of the day. The Pharisees.”

Yet He kept loving and doing good in between his near-escapes. He was kept by the Father until it was His time to accomplish what needed to be done. So I pray my friends who are caught in their own private battles can learn to run to the bunkers and find hope and strength for the interims realizing this too will pass.

The Reason for the Tears

It’s not easy to be single-again for our sisters and brothers who find themselves spinning on the ballroom floor once again….alone without their mate. For this reason, with permission, I am posting the thoughts of a wonderful divorced woman, after the marriage and after attending a single’s dance—all dressed up for the prom.

It’s not unlike other friends, through the years, expressing their difficulty adjusting to single life after their unfaithful dove flew away one day. Even with Jesus, our Perfect Prince of Peace, divorce pain is as He said… a tearing apart of one flesh, a bleeding heart for all the risk…and sometimes little felt gain. And so, she wrote:
Cinderella and the Prince

I blame The work of Christ though the body of believers at (my church) for my tears.

Saturday night I went to the Singles’ Prom and took a member of the Divorce Class that just graduated—a widow friend I met at Sunday morning singles.
It was fun going to a dance all dressed up with my girlfriends and seeing lots of guys in suits. The most impressive were the Boaz men from our church.

They were really the only saving grace for the entire event.
And in a way, they and the body of believers from which they belong—was the springboard for my tears.

I was awake all night long thinking about things and the gist is;
I was frustrated and angry that I am in the situation that I had to go to the Ball without my Prince of over 33 years.
I was frustrated and angry that I found myself in a room with not only the precious Boaz men of my church, but others whose relationship with Christ is not real!

It is a bitter-sweet, two-edged sword.

I cannot have the prince I want, but I can be a member of a body of believers who are working at living as Boaz, Ruth, Naomi, Paul, etc., while healing from the land of the Walking Wounded… and knowing that as they walk through the Great Sadness, there are others walking with them.

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