Lord of the Ringless

Gratefulness from First Time Forty-Something Parents

Bruce and Betsy knew each other fifteen years through mutual friends. But they did not connect until the time was right. Betsy had not dated anyone past a few weeks. Why? It didn't take long for her to know there was no future potential. She was a busy professional with close family and friends.

Bruce said, “I was 43 and Betsy was 39 and at one time we both figured we would not or may not ever get married. Now we have two children who have no idea their parents could be old enough to be grandparents. God hears our cry.”

 Psalm 130:6  My soul waits for the Lord, more than the night watchmen that watch for the morning.

As a single engineer, sailor and outdoor enthusiast, he climbed mountains—Mt Whitney and Half-Dome. Now he builds mountains...out of sand on the beach with his children. His first born had successful heart surgery to heal congenital anomalies.

Today he expressed his gratefulness, once again, of God's gracious gifts to him:

“We are so blessed as well to be alive and thankful to God for his provision.  We had a good reminder of this on Valentines Day; the hospital had a reunion for all the kids who had heart surgery in the last year.  We enjoyed seeing the nurses and doctors who were used by God to heal Samuel and it was amazing to see the many little children who had been through 3 and 4 surgeries already by 4 years old.  We praise God for his loving kindness and grace to our family and that Samuel is fixed.”

 “I am amazed at God's blessing - we are celebrating 5 years of marriage this weekend and just thank God for the blessing of children that we get to enjoy in our life. 

Samuel blurted out in his Awana class Sunday night, "My dad is 48."   The Awana leader figured I didn't want everyone to know how old I was, but I love it because it is a real joy to be healthy. I do not deserve these blessings but God give us much more than we deserve every day.”

From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised.” Psalm 113:3

Priceless Marriage

This week I heard a lady talking about the Hope Diamond she saw on a recent vacation. "HOw big is it?" I asked. "This big!" she said, making a circle with her fingers so large she stated, "It's hard to believe anyone would wear this rock." Then, an hour later, I had a brief conversation with another woman. Her husband died suddenly last February. They were married forty years; he was diagnosed with cancer out-of-the-blue (an avid marathon runner) and was gone in three months. She said he did so well, even after chemo, he told her two days before he passed, "I feel so good it's hard to believe I'm going to die!" But, he did. "We had a wonderful marriage," she looked at me through true-blue eyes. "That is a rarity," I said, thinking of the Hope Diamond. "What a blessing." "I feel blessed," she said. "It was really a happy time and a wonderful marriage." I didn't see sadness. Only gratefulness. It was easy to see his love still keeps her content now, that she has been loved and is loved. Priceless human love is well expressed in Song of Solomon 7:6,7... "Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned."

Fireproof

“If you want to see a good movie, take your wife to see Fireproof!” I suggested following one of the workers out to the front driveway of my house on Wednesday.

“So it’s about putting out fires in your marriage?” the handyman threw some stuff in the back of his cab, where his teenage son sat listening.

“Well, something like that,” I smiled. “Take her on a date night.”

“You think she would be happy with me if I took her to see this movie?” he opened the driver’s door and looked directly at me.

“Yes, I do.”

“Okay then,” he grinned. “If it will make her happy, we’ll go.” He waved goodbye.

How could anyone not appreciate the messages of a movie like Fireproof? Surely it helped the 200 couples who visited it opening night from our church—but also, last Friday night thirteen single friends met to check it out. Granted it was difficult for a couple of people who have been married. It was too real. Real life. Real dynamics. And real answers—but only if two people embrace the answers together.

I was reminded of the influence of friends when people go through shaky times in marriage. “My wife’s friends are pulling her away from me,” a young married man with a toddler, once shared. She was bored and unhappy. The partying, pleasure-seeking group of gals she met up with on the neighborhood turned her allegiance from family to the fast life. She left and hitched up with a motorcycle group. Last time I saw her, she was dressed in black, living the dark side.

“To the the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet,” so the Proverbs says. And so without God, without a center, we are prone to naivety and self-absorption leading to quick fixes. The actress played her emotions well. She was ready to be duped. There for the grace of God go….

And who is not aware of the destructive capacity of a bad temper? “Rescue him once and you’ll have to do it again,” the Bible says. God’s nature is not demonstrated by man’s anger. Nor is love cultivated in a marriage. The man raged against his wife …and God. Humility is when we are humble not just with God, but played out in real life to the people around us, especially those closest to us.

The temptations that drive wedges into the fragility of fidelity at shaky times was portrayed vividly by the reality of scenes close to home. Always there is a cost to poor choices, and when people are bound in marriage the other person bears the consequences, somehow, some way.

The message is true and needed. This isn’t Hollywood. It isn’t Magic Mountain. It is America. The couple is an American couple we can all relate to in some degree. And those of us who have seen marriages saved and restored, it is reality.

God is a God of hope. There is always a chance for a smoldering wick to be rekindled in the hearts of two people and ignited again with God’s love, strength and hope.

"Everyone should see Fireproof." my ex-sister in law stated. I agree.

Calling Two Hearts

Living our calling isn’t always easy as a single. But as a couple?

It can get tricky when two people are trying to live the lives God intended for them, doing what God wants them to do and consider their partner. To nourish the soul is to often let go’ of what one person wants in a relationship in order to meet the other person’s calling or need.

Yesterday I learned an engaged couple in their forties, both never married—broke their engagement because the woman said she would never leave the church she was attending. He did not agree with some of the doctrine of the church, nor feel comfortable there. One might say, “They can each go to their own church.” He wanted to be able to attend church together. It was a deal-breaker. And that’s how it must be, before they become one under God and face other decisions that can require a much bigger sacrifice.

Like the one I read today in Worldwide Challenge.

The article was about a well-loved army chaplain, Chaplain Zell, who has four boys. The smiles on the faces of he and his wife of eleven years and all the boys, almost cracks through the magazine page it is so genuine. However, he spends a lot of time away in Iraq since he joined the army in 2002 as a chaplain.

Apparently, they were on a “married date” six years ago when he shared his desire—that he felt God was calling him to become a military chaplain. Wanting to be on the same page about everything, especially a huge decision like this, his wife assured her husband.
She flipped over a restaurant comment card and wrote on the back, “I, Amy Zell, permit my husband Michael to follow his heart. If that leads him to be in the military chaplaincy, so be it.” They later framed it as a reminder.

It is touching to observe marriage as God intended. As singles, we must wait for the mate we can support and be supported by, in the same way. “The only thing worse than waiting is wishing you had.” ( Thanks Grandma.)

a marriage: a home

I read a note a married woman wrote to a new bride:

Sometimes I feel like Sarah too--I think all of us in some way or
another, as a wife, feel like we sacrifice a lot for our
husbands...but, it's worth it! Just keep reminding yourself that your
home is not a physical place anymore.

Your home is wherever John is.

So, if he moves you to Tiperary or Badooka, Kentucky. you can say
with assurance, "I am home, because I am with John."

This reminded me so much of Jesus saying if we love him and follow his teachings, he and the Father would love us and come and make their home with us. (John 14:23) Jesus sacrificed his life for us, His church, his bride, so we could be eternally connected.

In Ephesians 5:25 it talks about husbands loving their wives as Christ loved the church, followed by the picture of two becoming one. Marriage is described (Eph. 5:32-33) as a mystery— similar to Christ and the church—the love, the abiding, the unity of a husband and a wife.

The picture of God loving us as His church and making a home with us is reflected by the marriage relationship: a man and woman loving each other, staying together – making a home together.

And although we don’t see it enough, certainly it exists as evidenced by this woman’s marriage. The light but sincere way she spurs the young bride to love and sacrifice for her husband as she has, is a picture of divine love. Where there is love, there is sacrifice and reward. One that can’t be measured… but treasured.